The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

HELL RIDE (2008) *

Quentin Tarantino produced this terrible homage to 60’s biker movies directed by Larry Bishop.  If you’ve seen Bishop’s Mad Dog Time you may know what to expect:  Lots of unpleasant people reciting bizarre, childishly written dialogue before blowing somebody away.  This time, the characters ride motorcycles though. 


Basically what happens (there’s no way I’m going to use the word “plot”) is that this bad biker gang called “The 666ers” are hunting down another gang called “The Victors”.  The 666ers want a key to a safety deposit box and will set you on fire if you don’t tell them where it is.  The Victors are led by Pistolero (Bishop) and their new recruit, Comanche (Eric Balfour) is the rightful owner of the safety deposit box because his mother was the first person that the 666ers set on fire.  Or something like that.


Bishop tries to tell the story in a Tarantinoesque fashion by hopping back and forth between the present and 1976, when the one chick got torched.  All this does is pointlessly muddle a story that was pretty thin to begin with.  There are a lot of montages of bikers riding down the highway to pad the running time.  The problem is that Bishop films EVERY scene like a montage so it’s hard to tell what the Hell is going on.


You would think that a movie that features so many supporting characters from Tarantino’s repertory company would be at least fun to watch from an acting standpoint.  While Michael Madsen, David Carradine, and Dennis Hopper all have roles in the film, none of them are given much to do besides say stupid soliloquies about God knows what.  I don’t know if Bishop was trying to ape Tarantino’s style when he wrote the script or what, but all the characters say the dumbest shit.  Like the scene where Bishop and Madsen say the word “six” like 57 times in one conversation.  It’s supposed to be funny.  It isn’t.  Or the scene where Bishop talks about pussy but uses “fire” as a euphemism.  He says “fire” about 300 times and all he does he beat an already unfunny joke into the ground for about three minutes.


Hell Ride only exists as an opportunity for Larry Bishop to film himself having sex with 20 year old strippers.  No less than six girls throw themselves at Larry during the movie (I’m counting the fourway he has during the biker party).  The girls actually finding the decrepit looking Bishop sexually desirable constitutes as the best acting in the film.


This is one ride that deserves to go to Hell.

Tags: biker, david carradine, h, michael madsen
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