When scuba diver Robert Carradine falls overboard, a Great White Shark comes after him looking for a hot lunch. Luckily, he’s saved by Orca, the Killer Whale who rips that shark a new one. Man, this scene is great. What makes it so entertaining is that you can almost hear producer Dino (King Kong) de Laurentiis off screen saying, “Hey folks, did you see that? Our Orca can eat Jaws! Aren’t you glad you paid your money now?”
Well basically what happens after that is salty seaman Richard Harris kills Orca’s girlfriend and Orca goes all kind of Charles Bronson on poor Dick. First, Orca jumps up on the boat and eats Dick’s first mate (Keenan Wynn). Then the whale fucks up all the boats in the harbor, except for Dick’s, which clearly means “Get your ass out in this ocean and fight me, bitch!” But Dick is too smart for that shit and he wisely stays on dry land to avoid getting turned into Orca Chow. However, Dick knows what the audience wants to see, and after a lot of standing around and squinting, Harris finally says, “Let’s tussle”.
Everybody claims that this is a rip-off of Jaws but it’s more or less a rip-off of Moby Dick, except that it’s the whale that’s pursuing the sailor. If anything, it was Jaws the Revenge that ripped off this flick, so Dino should be the one suing Universal Studios.
Man this movie is dumber than a can of tuna fish but I got a few of chuckles out of it. The scene where Orca has a funeral for his girlfriend (complete with whale pallbearers) is some of the most batshit insane filmmaking I’ve ever seen. And then there’s THE scene. You know which one I mean. The one where Orca bites off Bo Derek’s leg. That shit is classic. Then there’s the tasteless scene where Harris hangs Orca’s girlfriend upside down and the fetus of her unborn whale baby spurts out her cooch and plops onto the deck. That’s great, but the reaction shot of Orca roaring in slow motion is what really made me crack up.
Yeah, the scenes where Harris (who looks like a disheveled Paul Hogan in this movie) does a lot of contemplating on dry land are excruciatingly slow. Yeah, Charlotte Rampling’s irritating narration seems like it came out of a Harlequin Romance novel. Yeah, Will Sampson’s Wise Old Indian shtick is pretty damned annoying. (I think it’s an unwritten rule that every Killer Whale Movie needs a Wise Old Indian. Remember the Free Willy movies? They all had a Wise Old Indian in them.)
You know what though? All that doesn’t really matter. You’re not watching a Killer Whale Movie for that shit. You’re watching it to see Orca fuck people up. In that respect, the film rocks; it’s just too bad that Harris is only in the water for the first and last 20 minutes of the movie. Once Orca gets him out on that iceberg though… look out!
And just wait until you hear the closing theme, “My Love, We Are One”. HYSTERICAL. And you thought Michael Jackson was the only one weird enough to write love songs for whales.
AKA: Orca: The Killer Whale. AKA: The Killer Whale.