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A chick named Julie (Miriam Eliot) escapes from a mental ward with no memory of how she got there.  She thumbs a ride home with some schmo and then calls her boss who takes her to a strip club to refresh her memory.  We eventually learn that Julie actually knows the location of some stolen jewels that’s worth about a million bucks and that some unsavory dudes want to get their grubby hands on the jewels and Julie.  


I think that’s what happened anyway.  Man, this is one muddled and under-plotted skinflick, so it’s kinda hard to tell.  The biggest problem with Kitten in a Cage is that the audience never really knows what the fuck is going on throughout the entire movie.  Sometimes this is a good thing, like if Christopher Nolan or David Lynch is directing the flick, because at the end there’s some sort of payoff.  Since this flick was directed by the no-name never-was Robert MacLeod, none of this remotely works. At one point Julie says, “There are so many loose ends”.  That pretty much sums everything up.


Kitten in a Cage put me to sleep in record time last night and it still took me two more tries tonight to successfully work my way through this turd.  Never in my life would I have thought that a 79 minute movie would be “too long”.  Here’s proof.  The plot is paper thin (although that’s really an insult to paper) and the painful running time is padded with decidedly unsexy footage of horse-faced strippers.  Combine that with the molasses pacing, terrible acting, non-existent production values, and horribly looped dialogued and sound effects; and you’ve got yourself one truly shitty flick.  I did like the lesbian massage scene though.


AKA:  Kitten in the Cage.



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