The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

EDMOND (2005) ***

Edmond (William H. Macy) is a schmo who decides to leave his wife (Rebecca Pidgeon) because he’s bored.  He then heads down to a strip club where he turns down sex with Denise Richards because she’s “too expensive”.  Afterwards, he visits Bai Ling in a peep show booth but turns down sex with her because she’s “too expensive”.  Edmond next goes to a massage parlor ran by Debi Mazar and tries to have sex with Mena Suvari.  Predictably, he turns her down because she’s “too expensive”.

 

Then Edmond gets rolled by some black dudes and decides to pawn his wedding ring to buy a badass knife to protect himself.  The knife comes in handy when a black pimp tries to roll him and he gets to slash him up while saying a bunch of racial epithets.  Triumphant, he seeks solace in the bed of a lowly waitress (Julia Stiles) who apparently fucked him for free.  After he spouts off a lot of crazy talk, she gets scared and tries to run and he slashes her to ribbons.  Edmond gets picked up by the cops and goes to prison where his big black burly cellmate (Bokeem Woodbine) rapes him.

 

Moral of the story:  If you express your White Hate, you’ll get Brown Sugar in your ass.

 

Edmond was written by David (Glengarry Glen Ross) Mamet and directed by Stuart (Re-Animator) Gordon.  At first glance, this may seem like a bizarro pairing but the duo used to run around in the same theater circles back before they got famous.  Although Edmond is more of Mamet’s movie than Gordon’s (it’s no From Beyond I’ll tell you that), it still had enough squirm-in-your-seat moments to make it his best movie in years.

 

Macy delivers a solid turn as Edmond and keeps your attention throughout his various misadventures.  The best part of the movie though is the supporting cast that’s chockfull of hotties.  Unfortunately, out of all the foxy ladies, only Bai Ling gets naked.  Jesus, and wait till you see Jeffrey Combs in this movie.  Words can’t describe it; you’ll have to see it for yourself.

 

While the flick coasts on the performance of Macy it’s far from perfect.  Often the movie feels stagy and more than a tad contrived.  Also, a lot of the over the top dialogue is just way too theatrical to be taken seriously.  Then again, I laughed really, really hard at the following exchange near the end of the movie:

 

Edmond:  Did they tell you what happened?

 

Prison Priest:  No.

 

Edmond:  I was sodomized.

 

Prison Priest:  Did you report it?

 

Edmond:  Yes.

 

Prison Priest:  What did they say?

 

Edmond:  It happens.

 

With that kind of priceless dialogue, how can I give Edmond anything less than ***.

Tags: drama, e
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