The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

THE EVIL THAT MEN DO (1984) ***

The Doctor (Joseph Maher) is this stuffy British dude who goes around South America teaching Torture 101 to classes of prospective dictators.  In one such class, he puts electrodes on a reporter’s gonads and tortures him to death.  This was a big mistake because the reporter’s best friend was Charles Bronson.  

 

If Death Wish 1-5 have taught us anything, it’s that you don’t senselessly kill any of Chuck’s nearest and dearest unless you want The Moustache breathing down your neck with a big gun.

 

The Evil That Men Do isn’t a great Bronson vehicle but it contained enough moments of badassery from the man that kept this die hard Chuck fan entertained.  The baddest of the badass moves Bronson did in this one came when some jackass tried to hit on his girl.  What did Chuck do?  He grabs onto the guy’s dick and twists on it WITH BOTH HANDS for a good minute or so.  From the looks of things, I bet old Chuck could get a job at Auntie Anne’s twisting pretzels.

 

This movie also has a sort of Kinjite vibe to it too.  Consider the one scene where Bronson poses as a bisexual swinger to lure The Doctor’s bodyguard into his hotel room where he sticks a knife in the guy’s neck.  You don’t see Chuck flirting with another man very often and when you do, it kinda makes you sick.  You know the guy was going to get killed something fierce if Chuck had to pretend to be a switch hitter in order to get to him.

 

There’s also a pretty funny scene when Bronson goes to kidnap The Doctor’s sister and hides under the bed to wait for her.  Little does he know that she’s about to get down and dirty with a lesbian (who has a giant bush) and he has to wait until they’re done fucking to make his move.  Chuck’s double take after he crawls out from under the bed was priceless.  I haven't laughed that hard since Obama won the Nobel Prize.

 

The thing that prevents The Evil That Men Do from breaking out and venturing into classic mode is Chuck’s awful supporting lady.  He dumbly takes her down to South America with him as part as his cover.  He should have dumped her once he got over the border.  This chick is just there to tell Chuck that killing is wrong, bitch and moan, and occasionally translate for him.  Had the screenwriters just wrote her out of the script, The Evil That Men Do could’ve been another Ten to Midnight.

 

What The Evil That Men Do does have is a killer ending.  Those who don’t want it spoiled, skip down to the next paragraph.  Chuck actually doesn’t get his hands on the killer, which may infuriate some people, but I dug it.  The ending is reminiscent of Freaks as The Doctor’s misshapen and disfigured former patients do a little surgery of their own on him with some rusty pick axes.  This makes sense to let The Doctor’s victims get their revenge because after all, Chuck was just avenging the death of a friend.  Now if Chuck was avenging the death of his wife or something; that would be a different story.

 

The Evil That Men Do was the fifth of nine collaborations between Bronson and director J. Lee Thompson.  Oddly enough, it was one of the few of their films that weren’t produced by Golan and Globus’ Cannon Films.  The film is a solid Three Star Bronson flick, but one can only imagine how much more sleazier things could’ve been had it been released by those guys.

Tags: action, bronson, e
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