The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

ALIEN 3000 (2004) ** ½

When some dumb teens mess with some “Conquistador’s Gold” in an abandoned cave, they unwittingly awaken an “invisible” monster.  Years later, the lone survivor leads some military assholes back into the cave to find the monster.  Some of the gore is impressive, as is the monster suit, but the CGI “invisible” effects are terrible.  (Think a badly Photoshopped Predator.)  Lorenzo (Renegade) Lamas and Priscilla (Mallrats) Barnes star.  (Which means they show up for just long enough to cash a paycheck.)  Megan Malloy is pretty good in the lead, but Phoebe (Goth) Dollar steals the movie as one of the bitchy mercs.  She gets all the best lines, some of which include, “I’ll be fucked if you ain’t the weirdest bitch I’ve ever met!” and “Shut your face you meddling bitch!” and “Want some cheese to go with that whine?”  It ain’t great, but it’s fun in a Sci-Fi Channel premiere way.  Besides, any movie that boasts about a “Special Appearance by Scott Schwartz” has to be worth a look.  

AKA:  Unseen Evil 2.

Tags: a, sci-fi


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