The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

ALLEY CAT (1984) ** ½

Karin Mani stars as Billie, the best kickboxer ever to live with her grandparents.  After Billie stops some gangbangers from stealing her hubcaps, (“Quit stealing my wheels!”) the gang members run and turn tail back to their leader (who likes to parade around in his underwear).  When he finds out he’s just gotten the clap from some bimbo, he misdirects his hostilities into ordering the death of Billie’s beloved grandparents.  After the courts let the murderer go free, she soon starts kickboxing the hell out of muggers and rapists in Central Park while somehow finding time to make time with a fresh faced rookie cop.  

Since Billie is the kind of girl who doesn’t mind getting naked and taking a lot of showers, the audience is behind her 100% in her quest for justice.  

Of course one night while jogging she’s attacked by a rapist and when she shoots at him, the crooked cops actually arrest HER for having a concealed weapon!  At the hearing, the punk who attacked her gets off easy and when she causes a ruckus, she gets held in contempt of court and gets sent to prison where she takes even more showers and has even more people (women this time) who want to rape her.  When her boyfriend goes to visit her she says, “If you get me out of here I’ll give you my body!”  When she gets out of prison, she sets her sights on getting revenge once and for all.  

Basically what we got is Death Wish only with a kickboxing Jersey Girl who lives with her grandparents instead of Charles Bronson.  While the flick delivers a fair amount of skin and is good for a few laughs (both intentional and unintentional) it never quite lets go in the violence department, relying more on grade C kickboxing rather than actual action scenes.  Mani is good whether displaying her assets or when kickboxing the hell out of somebody, but the rest of the cast seems to come out of the ABC Movie of the Week acting pool.  The cinematography is also muddy, sometimes distracting from the fight scenes, as well as (sadly) Mani’s nude scenes.  Mani also appeared in the much better chick getting revenge flick, Avenging Angel.


Tags: a, action, kung fu

  • GHOST IN THE SHELL (2017) *** ½

    I’m not really an anime guy. I wouldn’t know a Ghost in the Shell from an Akira. All I know is that this movie, based on the beloved Japanese…

  • BLAIR WITCH (2016) ½ *

    You all are complaining you lost an hour because of the time change. Amateurs. I watched Blair Witch and lost ninety minutes. I guess you all…

  • TROUBLE MAN (1972) **

    Robert Hooks stars as the badass “Mr. T”. I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that a certain star of Rocky 3 might’ve stolen his name from this…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened