Private Duty Nurses is the second movie in producer Roger Corman’s Nurses series. It’s so mind-bogglingly awful that it seems like someone is playing a bad joke on the audience. It’s almost as if writer/director George Armitage set out to make the worst Nurse movie possible. Imagine if one of those boring ass French New Wave directors made a Nurse movie but tried to do it as a “deconstruction” of the genre (i.e. took out all of the fun and added a bunch of stupid social commentary); and that might give you some idea of what to expect.
For starters, we have the tree-hugging subplot where one of the nurses tries to put a stop to pollution in the ocean. This subplot serves no purpose whatsoever (especially since it turns out that the damned thing isn’t even polluted) and doesn’t really give the nurse a chance to get naked. Then there’s the subplot involving a black doctor trying to get a job at the hospital but is denied by the racist superintendent. This doesn’t really make sense either because apparently nobody’s heard of Affirmative Action in this movie. I mean one call to Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton and that dude would’ve had a job in no time. But you know Armitage really hates his audience though when he lets an incredibly shitty hippie band called “Sky” play endlessly in a bar AND on the soundtrack. Jesus, these guys suck.
The worst thing about Private Duty Nurses is the fact that none of the goddamned nurses do any goddamned nursing. It’s strange to watch a fucking Nurse movie in which they never do any nursing type stuff. One chick visits her motorcycle riding boyfriend in the hospital, but that’s about it. What’s worse is that they only get naked once, maybe twice apiece. And even when the nurses do get naked, they aren’t anything to brag about. They should’ve called this thing Private Dooty Nurses.
Armitage went on to direct the awesome Miami Blues, so I can forgive him for this turd.