Man, am I ever disappointed. I DVR’ed this flick based on the title alone. I thought it was going to be all about a Morman dude with 19 wives. Well, it is but the guy in question gets blown away with a shotgun within the first 19 seconds of the movie. That’s right; we never get to see him bang any of ‘em. What a fucking gyp.
No, this is actually a shitty Lifetime whodunit movie. Let me tell ya, I was hoping we’d actually get to see the guy trying to juggle the wives. I was curious to know about the time management issues that go into having 19 wives. Like who gets fucked when, which wife is cooking dinner, and what have you. Now I know what you’re gonna say. You’re gonna say, “Mitch if you wanted to watch a Morman polygamist trying to satisfy all of his wives, you should’ve just watched the Bill Paxton show, Big Love.”
Well, I’ve seen Big Love. Big Love is all about a dude with THREE wives. This guy had NINETEEN. Bill Paxton was a fucking chump next to this dude.
Of course, somebody killed him so he can’t enjoy his wives anymore. That sucks. So much for religious tolerance.
You know something; those Morman dudes are OK in my book. I mean any time you can marry 19 women and knock ‘em up with a full litter, you’re doing something right. The only downside is you’ve gotta make ‘em wear a buttoned down Snuggie all the time. Still, once you get ‘em in the bedroom I bet they hump like a bunny. The only thing I disagree with the Mormans on is that these guys like to get their wives when they’re like 14. Haven’t you ever heard you’re not supposed to pick a tomato until it’s ripe?
If only the movie did away with all the murder mystery crap and concentrated on banging 19 broads, this could’ve been something special. We do get a flashback where the great Brigham Young gets down and funky with one of his wives but they never actually show anything. Bummer.