I was never one of those Dungeons and Dragons nerds, but for whatever reason, I saw that one Dungeons and Dragons movie that everyone in the history of the universe hated INCLUDING the D & D nerds it was made squarely for. (Hey nerds, I hated it too, so don’t feel bad.) At least that flick had the benefit of a clearly embarrassed Jeremy Irons acting bat shit insane. This sorry sequel has no such luxuries.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Mitch, if you hated the first movie, then why on God’s green earth did you watch this straight to SyFy Channel flick?” Well, the reasons are numerous. One, I had room on my DVR. Two, well… I had no memory of actually putting it on the DVR, but I figured, what the Hell, I’ll watch it anyway. Three, uh… there is no three. Look, I said I had “numerous” reasons, and numerous means “more than one”, so two reasons qualifies as numerous.
Anyway, the plot of this one centers around this d… ah, fuck it. It’s a bunch of fucking dudes fighting dragons and chicks casting spells; plain and simple. Basically, it looks just like an average episode of Hercules. Except not as good. Heck, it’s not even up to snuff with D & D Parto Uno. Maybe if Jeremy Irons was around to chew up some scenery and spit it out, it might’ve been a different story.
On the plus side, there is a good scene where the bad guy “eats” by having an Orc stick a funnel into his spine and then it pours a mess of slop in there. Then there’s a sorta inventive scene involving a frozen dragon that breathes ice instead of fire. Other than that, you don’t need some twelve-sided dice to tell you this one’s gonna suck.
AKA: Dungeons and Dragons 2: The Elemental Might.