The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

ALONE IN THE DARK (2005) * ½

Uwe Boll returns to direct another movie based on a video game, but unlike his camp classic House of the Dead, it isn’t campy and it ain’t no classic.  Christian Slater stars as a paranormal investigator looking for children who disappeared from a mysterious orphanage.  Stephen Dorff, who must have overdosed on Nyquil before filming, co-stars and his 5 o’clock shadow challenges Slater’s to a fight.  The barely there Tara Reid also shows up as do some tentacled monsters.  

The doubt your sanity highlight is the scene where a seemingly indestructible man attacks Slater on a dock.  Slater shoots him, but the bullet has no effect.  What does Slater do next?  He shoots him again!  What does Boll do?  He cranks up the soundtrack, throws in some insane camerawork of the bullet being loaded into the chamber and adds a POV shot of the bullet being fired in slow motion and going straight into the dude.  You would think all of that cinematic hyperbole would signal the death of the guy, or at least mortally wound him, right?  WRONG!  It has the same effect as the first bullet which is to say NONE!  I can understand using all that fancy camerawork and CGI on the first bullet, but why in God’s name would you use it on the second bullet?  Especially when it’s just as ineffective as the first!  As a cherry on top, the “indestructible” man is later killed when he lands on a pole!  WHAT THE FUCK?  

Only Uwe Boll knows for sure.  

He did yet another video game adaptation, Bloodrayne next.

Tags: a, action, based on a video game, uwe boll


    I know what you’re thinking. Caligula had just about every kind of debauchery known to man. Now along comes Caligula 2: The “Untold” Story. How…

  • BLAIR WITCH (2016) ½ *

    You all are complaining you lost an hour because of the time change. Amateurs. I watched Blair Witch and lost ninety minutes. I guess you all…

  • THE KILLING OF AMERICA (1982) ****

    Of all the mondo movies released in the wake of Faces of Death, this is probably the best. It’s more in your face than Faces of Death, but it…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened