Okay, I’m a little behind on seeing this one. This is mostly because Netflix kept sending me other stuff. Even though The Human Centipede (First Sequence) was Number One on my Queue with no wait time, I kept getting movies like Jonah Hex that were Number Two.
And speaking of Number Two…
Wait, hold on. I have to compose myself here. I am really tempted to make a lot of poop puns after watching this movie. I have to show a little restraint.
Okay… where was I?
So, I’m sure anyone that has access to the internet knows what the Human Centipede is. That saves me from going into all the gross details. No wait; the gross details are the best part of the movie! This flick is all about this nutty doctor (the wonderfully named Dieter Laser) who takes two hot chicks and an Asian dude and sews them up mouth to anus and makes them crawl around on the floor. Then when the guy has to poop, he poops directly into the girl’s mouth, and when she has to poop, she poops into the other girl’s mouth.
Folks, I’ve seen a lot of ass to mouth movies in my time but this one takes the cake. (Sorry about that. I’ll do better about keeping the puns to a minimum.)
Anyone can make a movie about people pooping into other people’s mouths and make it disgusting, but it takes real talent to make it suspenseful. Tom Six is such a director. He could’ve just relied on the movie’s freakshow nature to lure the audience in. But no, he actually gives us a couple of really suspenseful sequences. I think my favorite part (besides the pooping of course) was when the Human Centipede had to coordinate walking in formation to escape the mad doctor and all was going fine until they got to a spiral staircase. YOU try crawling up that thing when you’ve got some chick’s mouth sewed to your butt.
I also liked the fact that the Asian dude in the front spoke no English. Because the girls had no idea what he was saying, it made it extremely hard for them to take orders and march around in a straight line. It also made the movie seem like one of those subtitle filled Japanese horror movies too. The Japanese love this gross shit, so I’m sure they really ate it up.
The reason though I’m making all of these puns at The Human Centipede (First Sequence)’s expense is because humor is my defense mechanism. Whenever I see something that kinda freaks me out, I make light of the situation and make a joke or two. And The Human Centipede (First Sequence) really did freak me out. It’s not as explicit as I thought it would be, but it’s just so fucked up that it didn’t need to be.
Jaded horror fans who think they’ve seen it all need to check this out ASAP. Anyone with a weak stomach need not apply. This is one movie that is guaranteed to put a bad taste in your mouth.
(Dammit, I did it again…)
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is on The Video Vacuum Top Ten Films of 2010 at the Number 6 spot, which puts it right in between The Expendables and The Runaways.
AKA: The Human Centipede.