The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE (1988) *

Based on the title alone, you’d think this would be a classic.  However, Woodchipper Massacre is just a shitty shot on video horror comedy.  The first part of the film is the tip-off that this is going to suck.  It’s nothing more than five minutes of somebody chopping up wood and putting it into the woodchipper.  It’s as if the “filmmakers” thought the audience wouldn’t know what a woodchipper was and put a How-To safety video before the start of the movie.

 

After that, the flick becomes a $1.50 remake of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.  Three annoying brats are being babysat by their bitchy aunt who constantly yells and screams at them.  When the ginger-headed kid gets a hunting knife in the mail, she disapproves and tries to take it from him.  Long story short, the aunt winds up falling on the knife and dies.  The kids, fearing the police, shove her into the woodchipper to dispose of the body.  Then her foul-mouthed nutjob son shows up to the house and tries to blackmail the kids.  Pretty soon, he too becomes fodder for their trusty woodchipper.

 

To call the acting “amateurish” would be giving it too much credit.  None of these kids could cut it at their grade school Christmas play, let alone a horror movie.  The so-called “comedy” portions are sub-sitcom level and are more grating than anything.  To make matters worse, the gore is nonexistent.  You’d think if you’d call a movie Woodchipper “Massacre”, you’d kill a helluva lot more than two people.  That’s not much of a massacre if you ask me.

Tags: horror, w
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